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Jun. 27th, 2007

  • 2:17 PM
candle
You know how sometimes you're just goofing around on the internet and suddenly, somehow, you stumble across the opening paragraphs of an erotic vampire librarian gay elf fantasy short story? And then you read the plot summary:

The Thing He Loves by Emily Veinglory

Steve thinks of himself as a typical dull librarian; not someone a gorgeous elf like Ferris would ever fall for. On top of that Steve knows that he is suffering from a vampiric curse that will lead to the death of anyone who ever does fall in love with him. So when a tampered spell book puts Steve and Ferris on the trail of a magical murderer their growing bond is a potential lethal problem.


Only $2 to download that whole story! Which appears, based on its rating, to include hot elf-on-librarian action in addition to all that complicated plottiness. I mean, yes, the first paragraphs are pretty awful. But come on!

Comments

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[info]kmusky wrote:
Jun. 27th, 2007 06:57 pm (UTC)
The only review cracks me up. To summarize: your elf-on-vampire librarian gay sex scenes are hot. I wish I could publish my fanfic, but since I rip you off, I can't.
I refuse to link to it. It's disturbing.
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[info]kylegirl wrote:
Jun. 28th, 2007 03:43 pm (UTC)
I refuse to go look for that review! At least right now.
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[info]ainsley wrote:
Jun. 27th, 2007 07:00 pm (UTC)
I...I think you broke my brain. Like, into itty bitty pieces.
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[info]kylegirl wrote:
Jun. 28th, 2007 03:44 pm (UTC)
*Dances on the pieces, and laughs!*
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[info]ainsley wrote:
Jun. 28th, 2007 03:51 pm (UTC)
*watches you slip and do a slidy dance on the fluid-filled pieces, and LAUGHS, whilst you very carefully don't fall*
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[info]tenacitydrader wrote:
Jun. 28th, 2007 02:09 am (UTC)
Holy crap. 21 variations on the verb "to be" in four paragraphs. Split infinitives. Disagreement in tense. And I didn't even major in English in college. Good stuff.
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[info]kylegirl wrote:
Jun. 28th, 2007 03:45 pm (UTC)
And perhaps worst of all, the editor and proofreader are listed on the page! OMG! I hope those people were volunteers. Although, who knows, I suppose it could have been worse when they started.
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[info]eanja wrote:
Jun. 28th, 2007 03:39 am (UTC)
Plus missing commas and/or semicolons, and the sadly fashionable abandonment of all -lys from the ends words. I would assume that Veinglory is a vampire pun, but given the rest of the it, I can't be sure it isn't just a typo.
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[info]kylegirl wrote:
Jun. 28th, 2007 03:49 pm (UTC)
I'm hoping the author name is on purpose. I'm also pondering whether a "discrete red brick building" is a building that is distinct from and not attached to any of its neighboring buildings or whether it is, in fact, a DISCREET building, non-obvious to passersby. Augh.
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[info]tenacitydrader wrote:
Jun. 28th, 2007 03:59 pm (UTC)
Wow. I was so distracted by the writing, I didn't even notice her name. It's "capillarious." Ba-dum-bum.
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[info]tenacitydrader wrote:
Jun. 28th, 2007 04:05 pm (UTC)
I'm also pondering whether a "discrete red brick building" is a building that is distinct from and not attached to any of its neighboring buildings.

Well, Kyle, what they mean here is that the building is ordinary, tasteful and understated, not unlike our main character. Moreover, it is to be the completely unexpected site of one of the greatest alternative lifestyle supernatural love affairs of all time. Therefore, one might even say the the building itself is a metaphor for our protagonist.

Clearly, this book has many levels.
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